Lead Herding
Keep contacts, companies, opportunities, and conversations together without turning your CRM into a barnyard.
Round them up → Marketing automation with backbone
Get your marketing off its ass.
Campaigns, contacts, automation, attribution, and follow-up in one stubbornly simple marketing CRM.
No credit card. No implementation consultant. No load of crap.
4,821leads herded
18.4%faster follow-up
0actual donkeys hired
Leads in the Hive4,821↑ 18.4%
Active Campaigns1812 humming
Follow-ups Due37Needs a nudge
Conversion Rate14.8%↑ 2.1%
Pipeline momentum$286,400
Last 7 days⌄M
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Fresh from the hiveView all
- MSMaya SantosOpened “Summer Swarm”
- JLJonas LeeMoved to Qualified
- RBRita BloomBooked a demo
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New leads+18.4%
✓
AutomationHumming
Plays nicely with the tools already in your barn
EmailFormsAdvertisingAnalyticsWebhooksMicrosoft 365Google Workspace
Categories shown for demonstration only; no partnerships implied.
One hive. Zero busywork.
Everything your marketing needs.
Nothing it doesn’t.
All the serious machinery of a modern CRM, without the six-month rollout or the dashboard that needs its own dashboard.
Campaign Swarms
Launch coordinated email and digital campaigns from one calm, good-looking command center.
Create a buzz →Honeycomb Automation
Build nurturing, routing, lifecycle, and follow-up workflows that keep working after you clock out.
Automate the grind →Smart Segmentation
Slice audiences by behavior, lifecycle, firmographics, engagement, and campaign history.
Find your people →Attribution That Doesn’t Kick
See where leads came from, what moved them, and which efforts actually earned their keep.
Prove the impact →Follow-Up Without Nagging
Make sure good leads don’t wander off because somebody forgot to make one simple call.
Stay on track → From scattered to sorted
Three steps. One productive hive.
Start where you are. AssHive does the heavy lifting and leaves the dramatic transformation montage to the other CRMs.
- 01ABC
Round up your contacts
Import your audience and organize every person, company, and conversation.
- 02
Build the hive
Create segments, campaigns, workflows, and automations that fit together.
- 03
Kick ass
Measure what’s working, lose what isn’t, and double down with confidence.
Allegedly beloved
Teams are buzzing.
These companies, people, and results are completely fictional. The relief you feel looking at a tidy CRM dashboard is real.
★★★★★
“We replaced three spreadsheets, two automation tools, and one guy named Steve.”
Dana HoofmanVP of Growth, Pasturely
★★★★★
“For the first time, sales knows what marketing is doing. They’re furious they can’t blame us anymore.”
Marco RainesCMO, Haystack Labs
★★★★★
“AssHive gave us attribution, automation, and thirty-seven percent fewer status meetings.”
Simone ParkDemand Gen, Golden Yoke
Fictional testimonials from fictional companies for a fictional CRM. Seriously.
Honest-ish pricing
Pick your workload.
No mystery quotes, surprise onboarding fees, or “let’s circle back with procurement.” Also no actual product. Remember, demo.
Burro
For small teams getting leads into one reliable place.
$29/ month
- Up to 2,500 contacts
- 3 campaign swarms
- Basic automation
- Email support-ish
Most Popular
Workhorse
For growing teams running serious campaigns.
$79/ month
- Up to 25,000 contacts
- Unlimited campaigns
- Honeycomb automation
- Attribution reporting
- Priority support
Full Ass
For teams that want the whole hive and then some.
$149/ month
- Unlimited contacts*
- Advanced segmentation
- Custom dashboards
- Dedicated success human
- Executive-grade charts
Enough horsing around
Ready to kick your marketing into gear?
Put your contacts, campaigns, and automations in one hive and let AssHive carry the load.